Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and said something to yourself you would never say to anyone else? When things go sideways. your faith, your priorities, even your sense of self can feel pressed in every way and shame and insecurity quickly enter the story.
In this final numbered episode of Season 1, Valerie shares a Sunday morning moment in front of the mirror that had her all out of sorts. Then she goes all the way back to Genesis 3, where shame enters the story of humanity for the first time, before jumping ahead to Ephesians 2:10, John 15, and Psalm 108 to find the fix. One of the surest anecdotes to shame is understanding who God says you are. And, it changes how you show up for everything He asks you to do.
In This Episode, You’ll Discover:
How the messy middle goes beyond your circumstance and can affect your identity.
How a seed of doubt in Genesis 3 grows into unbelief, and how shame entered the story.
Why God comes looking for Adam and Eve, and the two questions He asks: “Where are you?” and “Who told you?”
What God says about who you are compared to the lies that shame likes to tell us.
Why identity is about more than what you do (Ephesians 2:10).
How abiding in Jesus (John 15:4) and Psalm 108:1 turn identity into everyday confidence.
A simple for knowing your identity in Christ and walking in it every day.
Resources Mentioned
The Identity in Christ Printable: 16 Scriptural truths about who God says you are. plus the step-by-step practice from this episode. Get the Free Download.
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Episode 10 | Who Are You? What God Says About Identity and Purpose
Welcome to The Purpose Project Podcast
Hey, friend. Welcome to The Purpose Project Podcast, where we talk about what it really looks like to live, love, and lead with purpose and authenticity in the messy middle — that space between where you are and where you want to be. I'm Valerie Jones, a Christian life and leadership coach, and around here we don't do hustle culture, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or self-help band-aids. Instead, we're all about biblical truth, brain-based tools, and emotional health — so you can walk out your calling with courage without burning out or sacrificing what matters most. Each episode we'll dive into real life stories, engaging conversations, and relatable teaching moments to help you get out of your head and into the life God's calling you to live. Whether you're navigating change, feeling overwhelmed, craving clarity, or just trying to feel like yourself again — take a breath and lean in. You're in the right place. Let's dive in.
A Morning I’d Rather Forget
Well, hey, welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, thank you so much for joining us. This is the last numbered episode of Season 1. It seems really surreal to say that, but here we are. I’m so grateful.
All season long, we’ve been sitting in what I call the messy middle — that gap between what you expected or hoped for or prayed for and what you’re actually living. Your reality. And faith is necessary in that space. So much of our life is lived in these in-between moments. So we’ve talked about what it means to stay present with God there, to get curious about what’s happening in our hearts and our minds and even in our bodies, and then to choose how to respond and move forward.
I might be stating the obvious here, but the messy middle has a way of pressing in on every side. It challenges nearly everything: your faith, your values, your priorities, even your identity. Very rarely do you walk through a season like the ones we’ve been talking about and come out on the other side unchanged or unfazed. It is not a neutral thing. And so, as we wrap up Season 1, I want to ask you one last question. Who are you?
Last episode, we talked about the truth that you were created on purpose and for a purpose. God doesn’t do anything by accident, and He cannot make a mistake. That means that every strength, every gift, every ability is part of who you are because God intended it that way. It also means that every rough edge is like raw material waiting to be refined by the Holy Spirit as He works to make you look more like Jesus.
Now, it’s one thing to know that intellectually, and it’s another thing entirely to believe it when things start going sideways. So I want to tell you a story about a morning that I’d really rather forget.
It was 7:30 on a Sunday morning, and I was due at a 9:00 a.m. rehearsal for worship team. I was going to be leading that day, filling in for our full-time worship pastor, who was out of town. I was so excited and so grateful about this. I couldn’t believe that he’d invited me to do it, because I had just come back to church and to ministry a few years earlier, after a really, really long break.
And honestly, when I came back, I had zero expectations. I had this idea that whatever calling or purpose or potential God had placed in my life, on my life, was ruined or canceled because of everything that had happened up to this point. And after years of running and hiding and ignoring Him and being angry at Him, trudging my way through one messy middle kind of season or another, this invitation was so surprising and so sweet, and it humbled me. It was such an expression of God’s kindness to order my steps and get me to this moment.
So I was really excited. And that morning, I was standing in front of my full-length mirror, surrounded by piles of clothes that I had tossed on the floor because I couldn’t decide what to wear. My hair was a mess from one too many days of dry shampoo. I was running late. I was frustrated and overwhelmed by all of these big, unexpected feelings of doubt and anxiety and fear. Tears streamed down my face, and now my makeup was smeared, and I just stood there in that mirror, staring at myself.
Naturally, I started to talk to myself out loud, and I would love to tell you that I gave myself an encouraging pep talk, but I did not. I scolded myself. It sounded something like this: “Valerie, you are a mess. Your clothes don’t fit. Your hair is crazy. What is wrong with you? Why are you crying? Who do you think you are? You don’t know what you’re doing. It’s been way too long since you’ve done this. You’re going to blow it.” And on and on and on.
Cue the mini identity crisis. I was so focused on all the wrong things, and I was telling myself the wrong story. Instead of reminding myself that I am who God says I am, I was saying something entirely different, because I failed to see myself the way God sees me.
There was a verse of Scripture that came to mind in the moment, and it’s one that I speak over my girls all the time in moments just like this. I know it by heart. I love it. But in that moment, I didn’t believe a word of it, because I didn’t think it applied to me.
The Wrong Story
Have you ever had a moment like that? Let me ask you: What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see a man or a woman who is chosen, called, capable, loved by God, and filled with purpose? Because that’s what God sees.
But so often, instead of believing what God says, we attach our identity to what we do, what we look like, what we have, what other people think about us, and we lose sight of who we truly are. Before you know it, we’re standing in a moment just like the one I described, telling ourselves a story that just isn’t true. But when you belong to Jesus, friend, there is a better way.
How we think matters. What we think about God, what we think about ourselves, what we think about our circumstances — it matters. How we talk to ourselves about these things matters.
You know, in Romans 12:3, Paul tells us to think of ourselves with sober judgment, according to the measure of faith that God has given to us. In other words, it’s important to think of ourselves with accuracy and with humility — not thinking too much of ourselves, and not thinking too little of ourselves. And that measure of faith, well, it means that our picture and our idea of ourselves has to be based on what God says and on who God is.
So we have to think rightly about God. We have to start right there. We have to know what He says so that we can think accurately about ourselves. Otherwise, we get all tangled up in insecurity and shame and fear, things God never intended for us to carry. And before we know it, those voices get so loud that they control the narrative.
I know I am not the first or only woman to stand in front of a mirror and struggle. I know I’m not the only one who’s wrestled with feelings of shame or insecurity. This isn’t a new thing. In fact, I want to take you all the way back to the beginning — Genesis chapter 3, and a woman named Eve.
Did God Really Say?
But before we get into it, let’s back up a bit. God put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, and it was perfect. They had everything they needed. He gave them work to do. They had fellowship with God. And the last verse of chapter two says, “Now the man and his wife were both naked, yet they felt no shame.” That’s how God intended their lives to be characterized: fellowship with Him, worship, obedience, work, no shame.
And in the very next verse, the serpent shows up, and he’s tempting and taunting Eve with a question. He says, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden’?”
Notice what he did there. That is not what God said. God said they could eat from any tree except one, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And He warned them what it would cost them if they did eat from it. He said, “If you eat from this tree, you will die.” The serpent doesn’t show up and say, “Hey, Eve, eat this forbidden fruit.” Instead, he plants a seed of doubt. “Did God really say?” He calls God’s intention and His character into question. The serpent takes a generous God, and he makes Him sound stingy.
Now there’s a little bit of back and forth. Eve answers him, “Only one tree is off-limits.” And she tells him that eating from it, or even touching it, would mean death. And then the serpent drops the outright lie: “You won’t die.” And Eve gives in. She ate the fruit she wasn’t supposed to eat. She gave it to Adam, and he ate it, too.
Look at the progression here. A seed of doubt becomes unbelief, and that unbelief leads to disobedience. That is exactly what it means when we talk about the truth that what you believe shows up in your life. It shapes what you do and why you do it. And we can wrestle with the very same kind of question: “Did God really say?”
And if we leave that question hanging out there, unchecked or unchallenged, it turns into some version of, “Well, I know what God said, but did He really mean what He said?” Or, do I actually believe what He said? In that moment, it would seem that Eve didn’t believe what God said. She listened to the wrong voice, and she made the wrong choice.
Where Shame Shows Up
And look at what comes next. Shame and insecurity walk right into the story. Genesis 3:7: “At that moment their eyes were opened, and suddenly they felt shame at their nakedness.”
Now, real quick, because you know how I love a good word study. In chapter two, the word for naked carries this idea of innocence and purity, vulnerability, and it comes with a sense of safety. There’s nothing to hide. There is no insecurity. There is no shame. In chapter three, it’s a different form of the word, and it now carries this implication of being exposed, and it comes with judgment and separation from God.
Here’s the thing: sin and shame often go hand in hand. The sin here was the disobedience, eating the fruit. They weren’t supposed to eat the fruit. The consequence was the shame, the insecurity, and ultimately separation from God and a loss of intimacy and fellowship with God — not just for them, but for all of mankind.
Shame is one of the most powerful tools of the enemy, and he uses it to keep us from seeing ourselves the way God sees us and to keep us from connection with God. When Adam and Eve hear God walking in the garden after they’ve eaten the fruit and after they know that they’re naked, they’re hiding behind the trees, ashamed and afraid, hiding from God.
Where Are You? Who Told You?
But God, who is so kind, comes looking for them. God pursues us, too, and He’s been doing so from this moment, this moment that Adam and Eve hid from Him in the garden.
He asks them a question: “Where are you?” Adam gives Him a really short answer: “I’m hiding because I’m naked and afraid.” And then God asks a second question: “Who told you? Who told you that you were naked?” Just like always, we know that God already knows the answer to both of those questions, but He asks them anyway, for their benefit. He wants them to see where they are. He wants them to be aware of where they are.
It’s as if He’s saying, “This shame and this fear, it’s not what I intended for you. It is not from Me. It’s not who I made you to be, and hiding is not what I put you here to do.”
Friend, if the enemy can keep us hiding, running away from God, afraid, ashamed, believing lies about God’s goodness and about our identity, then we can easily lose heart and lose focus, missing the opportunity to do the good things God has put in front of us to do. We can get confused about our purpose. It’s really easy to forget who we are in Christ when we’re hiding from Him and we’re disconnected from Him.
Hiding and Holding Back
Do you ever hide? I have. I was hiding that morning in front of my mirror. We hide behind all kinds of things. We hide behind our schedules, our social media accounts, our jobs, our weaknesses. We aren’t honest with God or with each other about our insecurities or our struggles. And when we hide, we open up the door to the schemes of the enemy. We let shame and fear take root, and we back away from the only One who has the power and the desire to save us, to heal us, to help us — the One who is everything that we need.
Maybe you don’t hide, but maybe you withhold. We like to hold onto things, don’t we? We hold onto our ideas, our patterns of thinking, our wounds and bitterness and disappointment and offense. We carry them around for years, withholding them from God instead of handing them over to Jesus. We say things like, “Lord, You can deal with this, but not that.”
And we end up living out of our brokenness, letting shame and insecurity inform us when it’s really God’s love that’s supposed to compel us. We get stuck in this loop, trying to earn love, trying to earn approval and acceptance and validation from other people, or even from God, instead of believing that we’re already fully known and fully loved by Him.
We spend our lives striving for something instead of belonging to someone. The Creator of the universe chose you, and He called you by name.
What God Says About You
So I want to remind you today that He is pursuing you. He’s looking for you. He’s waiting for you. He’s asking, “Where are you?” Where are you, and who told you? Who told you that you’re unlovable? God says that He loves you with an everlasting love.
Who told you that you don’t belong here? God says He called you by name, that you’re chosen, that you belong to Him.
Who told you that you were forgotten? God says He’s engraved your name on the palm of His hand. He knows how many hairs are on your head.
Who told you that you don’t matter? God says that you’re filled with purpose, that He planned good things for you to do before you were born.
Who says you’re incapable? God says that the same power that raised Jesus from the grave lives in you.
Who said you were worthless? God says you are His masterpiece, bought with a price, precious in His sight.
And friend, what God says about you is true. Where are you, and who told you? Who told you these things? God is inviting you out of hiding, to surrender and to trust. He’s inviting you to walk with Him, to know Him. God says, “Don’t hide. Come to Me.” And because of Jesus, you can do that. It really is all about relationship with Jesus, friend.
Who He Is
And these words, who God says you are, they carry weight because of who God is. When the Creator of heaven and earth says something about you, you can trust that He means what He says. God’s Word is backed by His character. We can believe and trust everything that He says and everything that He does.
And listen, God is who He says that He is. He is faithful, trustworthy, kind, patient, righteous, holy, perfect. He is matchless in every way. And when things go sideways, just like that Sunday morning standing in front of my mirror, it’s usually because I’ve forgotten who He is. I’ve lost sight of it, even if just for a moment.
His Masterpiece
I told you that a verse came to mind during that Sunday morning meltdown, one that I love to remind my girls of. It’s Ephesians 2:10. It says, “We are God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus so that we can do the good things He’s planned for us long ago.”
Some translations use the word workmanship, and the Greek word there is the same word that we get our word poem from. It’s something that is made, crafted, created on purpose and with beauty. And God is the one doing the creating here. The verb here is only used when speaking of God. He is the only One who can create in this way. It is God’s masterpiece, God’s poem, and God’s alone.
You know, identity is something that’s given to you. God is the One who says who you are, which means that you don’t have to go looking for it or searching for yourself or trying to find yourself. We hear that all the time. And standing in the mirror that morning, I was looking in the wrong place for an answer to that question: Who are you? Because I was desperate for a certain outcome. I wanted that morning to go well. But here’s the thing: it can’t primarily be about the outcome. That isn’t the pursuit. We’re here to pursue Him, to get to know Him, and as you do that, you start to better understand yourself, in that order. And then you surrender the outcomes to Him.
When you look at verses eight and nine in Ephesians chapter two, you see a really clear picture. Paul reminds us that we’re saved by grace through faith in Jesus, not by works. There’s nothing that we could do to save ourselves, and the same thing is true in verse 10. You’re a masterpiece, created in Jesus for good works planned long ago.
Here’s why I think we get confused. We start letting what we produce or how we perform tell us who we are. It becomes about the outcome, the title, the performance, the accolades, the list of things that we’ve achieved, the list of things that we have. But that’s backwards. Who you are matters more. Who you are comes first. The good works flow from who you are. They flow from your God-given identity. It’s not, “I belong to God. What can I do so that He says I’m good enough?” Instead, it’s, “I belong to God. He says I’m His masterpiece, and that He is enough, so I can do good things.”
I’ve been saying this all season, but who you are determines how you show up and how you do the things that are in front of you to do. If you are trying to prove who you are, you show up exhausted, confused, frustrated, striving, pushing, forcing, faking it. But if you already know who you are, if you know who God says that you are, if you already know that you’re chosen, loved, accepted, that you belong, you walk into the same situations completely differently. That’s the way out of that loop: striving for something, trying to earn something, versus belonging to someone and living from a place of belovedness.
Abide
So how do we do this? What does this look like in the day-to-day messiness of our life? How can we stay rooted and grounded in these truths that, one, God is who He says He is, and two, I am who God says that I am?
Well, Jesus tells us in John 15:4 — and I’ve already said it, it’s relationship. Jesus says, “Abide in Me, and I in you.” Seven words that change everything.
Now, I want to talk about the passage here. The timing in this passage is not coincidental. Of course, nothing is. Jesus is with His closest friends and followers, and they’ve just finished the Last Supper, the Last Supper before the crucifixion. He’s washed their feet, and now they’re on their way to the Garden of Gethsemane through the Kidron Valley, where they would have passed through vineyards all around them, row after row of working vines. And one of the last things that He teaches His friends and His followers, His disciples, on the way to the cross is this. It’s this passage. That is how important this is.
This is the secret to living the life that the Father intends for you. Abide in Me, and I in you. Now, I know that you have heard that before. It seems simple and basic. It’s Christianity 101. But friend, that makes it all the more important. If you don’t get this right, everything else is really, really difficult.
You know, I love a good sports analogy, and Michael Jordan is one of my favorite basketball players of all time. He was asked once in an interview about his success, and he said — and I’m paraphrasing here — “The minute that you get away from the fundamentals, the bottom falls out of whatever you’re doing.”
And that is exactly what Jesus is saying here. When you drift away from the fundamentals of a real, healthy relationship with Jesus, of connection with Jesus, the bottom falls out. Shame and insecurity creep in and cloud your vision, and they suffocate what God has put in you. But when we abide in Him and He abides in us, those competing voices lose their influence. They lose their power. We have courage. We have confidence, because we know God is who He says He is, and that I am who God says I am.
Again, on His way through this valley, Jesus knew what was coming. He knew the cross was up ahead, and this is what He wanted them to know: Apart from Me, you can’t do it. But you’ll have everything you need if you get this one thing right. Abide in Me. Friend, that is what I call God-confidence. Not self-confidence. God-confidence. God-confidence is equal parts humility and belief and trust, and it actually has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him. And it only comes when we’re connected. Not a surface-level connection, but a deep, intimate connection to Jesus. Abiding.
No Wonder I Can
You know, I made it to church that Sunday morning, and rehearsal went really well. The presence of God was in the room and near, even during rehearsal. But shame and insecurity came knocking again, and this time I grabbed my Bible and slipped back into a small room in the hallway behind the stage, and I knelt down. There was another full-length mirror on the wall in that room, and I turned my back from the mirror so I wasn’t staring at myself.
I flipped my Bible open, and the tears started to flow. I just whispered a simple prayer: “Lord, I can’t do this without You. I don’t want to do this without You.” And I sat very, very still and very quiet for some time. I started to turn the pages of my Bible. I was going to find the passage of Scripture that I planned to share with the congregation that morning, but I stopped a few chapters short, in Psalm 108.
And here’s what it says. Psalm 108:1: “My heart is confident in You, O God. No wonder I can sing Your praises with all my heart.” And a little further down in that chapter, he says, “Your unfailing love is higher than the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.”
Don’t miss verse one. My heart is confident in You, O God. No wonder I can…
Here’s the thing: I had carried things into that moment in front of my mirror that I had no business hanging onto. Things that God had invited me to hand over. And I couldn’t see clearly. But because He is so, so kind, He reminded me that everything that we are and everything that we do is only because of Him and through Him and for Him.
My heart is confident in You, O God. No wonder I can… And fill in the blank. No wonder I can have that hard conversation, make that phone call, give generously, sing, lead, write, teach, serve, care for my family, be a good neighbor, do my work. No wonder I can.
When you belong to Him, when you abide in Him, when you live and move and breathe with God-confidence because you know who He is, it doesn’t matter what He’s asking you to do. Because, friend, He is who He says He is. He can do what He says He can do, and you are who God says that you are. No more hiding. No more insecurity. No more shame.
What God Says About You
I have no idea where you are or what decisions are in front of you. I have no idea what you might be wrestling with or what you might be avoiding. But here’s the invitation. Open your Bible, invite God into the moment, and then fill in those blanks on your own.
Let God’s truth take root. Stand in front of your mirror after you fill in those three blanks and say it out loud to yourself. Because God is… I am… and no wonder I can…
Before I leave you today, I just want to take a minute and speak God’s truth over you as we wrap up this season.
You are God’s masterpiece. You are chosen, accepted, invited. You have full access to God. You are loved with an everlasting and unfailing love. You are called by name. You belong. You are known. You are full of purpose. You are capable, precious, seen, safe. You are redeemed, forgiven, healed, and cared for. Friend, God is who He says He is, and you are who God says that you are.
Let your heart be confident in Him and carry these truths into your every day, into every situation, knowing and believing that He’s with you.
Listen, I am so grateful that you’ve been along for the first season of this podcast. And if you’d like a copy of that list that I just read, with the supporting Scriptures, you can get it for free with the link in the show notes. It really is a great thing to keep handy for those mini-meltdown moments or for those days when you’re just weary or feeling unsure.
And Season 2 is already in the works, and I am so excited about it. This show really is only possible because of the support of a community of listeners just like you. You can learn more about that with the Support the Show link in the show notes, or you can visit thepurposeproject.us/support. That’s all I have for you now, friend. I’ll see you soon.
Until Next Time
Hey friend, thanks for tuning in to The Purpose Project Podcast. I hope today’s conversation helped you feel seen and a little less alone in the messy middle of life. If this episode encouraged you, would you take a second to share it with a friend or leave a quick review? That will help other women who need hope and encouragement find this space, and it truly means the world to me.
You can always find free resources, upcoming events, or join the email list by visiting my website, thepurposeproject.us. Remember, friend — you were created on purpose and for a purpose. Until next time, be brave, and eyes on Jesus.
Meet Your Host
I’m Valerie Jones, a Christian Life & Leadership Coach and the host of The Purpose Project Podcast. I created this space for Christian women who are navigating the messy middle: those in-between seasons where faith is real but stretched, and life doesn’t look the way you expected.
My approach is rooted in biblical truth, emotional health, and brain-based methods because I believe God designed us as whole people, and transformation and personal growth should consider our whole selves.
“We spend our lives striving for something instead of belonging to someone.”
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