Are You Tired or Is It Burnout?

Are you tired? Or is it burnout? What if your exhaustion is trying to tell you something?

Are You Tired or Is It Something Else?

It’s the question I started asking that changed everything for me. After a few years working in executive leadership at a small non-profit giving everything I could possibly give to the work and mission, I knew something wasn’t quite right. I could feel it in my bones.

Long hours including nights and weekends, hard-to-keep-up-with workload because I was doing the job of three people, and unhealthy, dysfunctional leadership proved to be a recipe for disaster. And I was paying the price physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Now listen, I tend to be pretty resilient. So, I kept telling myself I just needed more rest, more manageable schedule, and better boundaries. And I did, yet, I’d come to work feeling anxious and frustrated instead of rested and restored, even after extra time off. I'd turn in early on Sunday only to wake up with an all-too-familiar knot in my stomach on Monday. I’d reach for the phone to take the call, respond to the text, or see the email notification from the CEO and instantly feel panic in my body.

I refused to see what was staring me right in the face. The culture of dysfunction meant constantly walking on eggshells, second-guessing myself, and using enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy just to survive each day. My body, mind, and soul paid a heavy price. I put on weight. I couldn’t sleep. I was anxious. My hair even started falling out because of the stress. Nothing about this situation was making me better, quite the opposite actually. It was an impossible and precarious situation. But it was easier to say "I'm tired" than to admit "this might not be the right place for me after all.” Because, I desperately wanted it to be the right place. I deeply loved the mission and the clients and partners I’d come to know over my time there. And when I was brave enough to ask better questions and lean in with curiosity, I quickly realized that I wasn’t just tired. I was soul tired. In other words, this was real-life, soul-crushing burn out, and no amount of rest was going to cure it.

After several hard conversations (read that, weeks and weeks of trying to sort it out), lots of counsel and prayer, I finally gave my resignation and what happened next can only be described as “I-can’t-believe-what-I’m-seeing-or-hearing” experience. I was shocked and sad, but not really surprised. It was difficult for a lot of reasons. And I was heartbroken, but leaving was really the only choice. And now, It’s been nearly a year.

You’ve likely heard me say it before: sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away. I believe it to my core.

Sometimes, the exhaustion you’re experiencing can’t be cured with more rest. Sometimes you need a complete reset.

When Rest Doesn’t Work

I have no doubt someone, somewhere, can relate to this part of my story. How do I know? Because, we live in a culture obsessed with achieving and doing. We’re obsessed with productivity. We don’t rest! We hustle! We push through! Sometimes, yes, that may be what is required of us. But, it can become an unhealthy rhythm and it isn’t sustainable without severe consequences (physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually). Ahem, did you read the part about my hair falling out and my soul feeling crushed?

We know all about rest days, better self-care, and stronger boundaries. But what happens when you've tried all of that and you still wake up with that knot in your stomach? When you've taken the vacation days, practiced all the spiritual disciplines, had the conversations, and set the boundaries, but nothing changes? What happens when you do all the things you know to do but it doesn’t seem to work? What then?

Friend, here’s the thing: there’s tired and then, there’s T - I - R - E - D. Not all tiredness is created equal. All tiredness is a symptom and a signal, for sure. And, sometimes the signal is more urgent than other times. What I mean is this: it may be that the thing we need is more honesty, not more sleep. There's a fundamental difference between everyday tiredness and feel-it-in-your-soul tiredness that can come from navigating dysfunction. Confusing the two can keep us trapped in cycles that are more harmful than helpful because our nervous system can get stuck in a loop of disregulation! That means we’re basically living in continuous fight or flight. There’s a better way.

We know that. So why do we get stuck? Because saying "I'm tired" is socially acceptable. It feels normal. We say things like, “Isn’t everyone tired? It’s just part of it.” When tired is the problem It suggests a simple fix. But saying "I think I'm in the wrong place" or "this is’t working" requires us to face potentially scary scenarios. Trust me when I say it’s worth it.

The Anatomy of Different Kinds of Exhaustion

Regular tired is your body and mind asking for restoration. It's a natural response to genuine exertion—physical, mental, or emotional. When you're truly tired, rest works. Sleep helps. Time off restores you. Your energy returns when you give yourself what you actually need.

Toxic tired is an overloaded nervous system asking for a break. It desperately needs safety. It's what happens when you're living in chronic fight-or-flight mode, constantly navigating dysfunction, walking on eggshells, or surviving in an environment that's harmful to your wellbeing. When you're toxic tired, rest alone won't fix it because you're not recovering—you're trying to heal in an environment that’s still hurting you.

Stuck tired is your soul asking for realignment. It's the exhaustion that comes from pouring energy into something that doesn't fit who you are. This one often masquerades as regular tiredness, but the heaviness doesn't lift with rest because the problem isn't energy—it's alignment. When you know who you are but can’t be who you are, it’s exhausting.

Here's what I wish I'd known during those months: different kinds of tiredness require completely different solutions, and applying the wrong remedy can actually make things worse.

Three Questions That Cut Through the Confusion

When I finally learned to distinguish between these different kinds of exhaustion, everything changed. Now, when I feel that familiar weight, I ask myself these three questions:

1. "If I had unlimited energy right now, would I know exactly what to do next?"

This question reveals whether you're dealing with an energy problem or an alignment problem. If you had all the energy in the world, would you dive back into what you were doing with enthusiasm? Or would you still feel that sense of resistance or "something's not right"?

If you'd know exactly what to do, you're probably just tired and a rest is in order. If you'd still feel lost or resistant, you might be stuck or dealing with a deeper issue.

2. "Where do I feel this in my body?"

Different kinds of exhaustion show up differently in your body. Regular tired feels like heavy eyelids, achy muscles, a deep desire to lie down. Your body is asking for rest and restoration.

Toxic tired often feels like tension that won't release—tight shoulders, clenched jaw, that wired-but-exhausted feeling. Your nervous system is stuck in overdrive, obsessed with creating safety but unable to find what it needs to regulate.

Stuck tired feels like heaviness in your chest, a restlessness that won’t go away, or that hard-to-carry kind of weight that doesn't feel lighter after you rest. Your body is responding the way it’s designed to respond. Pay attention to what it’s saying!

3. "What am I avoiding thinking about?"

This is the question that changed everything for me. When I asked myself this during those months at the nonprofit, the answer came immediately: I was avoiding thinking about how toxic my work environment had become and whether I could actually survive staying there much longer.

If something comes to mind quickly when you ask this question, you're probably dealing with more than regular tiredness. If nothing comes up, you might genuinely just need rest.

What to Do Once You Know

If you're regularly tired: Honor it. Rest isn't selfish—it's necessary. It’s not a reward you have to earn. Your body and mind are asking for what they need to restore themselves. Give yourself permission to truly rest without guilt.

If you're toxic tired: The solution isn't more self-care—it's removing yourself from the source of harm when possible. This might mean setting firmer boundaries, having difficult conversations, or in some cases, making the hard decision to leave. Rest is still important, but it needs to happen alongside creating safety that allows healing.

If you're stuck tired: The solution isn't more sleep—it's more honesty. What needs to change? What conversation needs to happen? What decision have you been avoiding? Sometimes the answer is as simple and sometimes it’s not. Either way, identify what needs to happen and take action.

Sometimes you're dealing with multiple layers of tired all at once, which is what happened to me. I was toxic tired from constantly navigating dysfunction AND stuck tired because I knew I needed to leave but felt trapped. The solution wasn't just rest—it was getting out of an environment that was slowly eroding my sense of self, followed by the deep rest that comes from finally being in alignment with your values.

The Permission You Don't Think You Need

Here's what I want you to know: it's okay to be tired. It's okay to be stuck. It's okay to not have all the answers. What's not okay is staying in cycles that don't serve you because you're afraid to ask yourself hard questions.

Your tiredness might mean you need to use wisdom and reorder some things in your life. Your stuckness might signal that you’ve outgrown the place you’re in. No matter the situation, no matter the kind of tired, it’s important to be aware. To pay attention to what the information is telling you. And proceed accordingly. Sometimes, you know exactly what to do. Give yourself permission to do it.

The Purpose Project was born from finally asking myself the right questions and honoring the answers, even when they were uncomfortable. Sometimes the most aligned thing you can do is admit you're not sure what comes next.

Lean in with curiosity and self-compassion. Trust what comes up. And remember—you don't have to have it all figured out to take the next right step.

What resonates with you? Are you tired, stuck, or both? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.