Faith and Grief: Strong Faith, Honest Pain, and a God Who Sees

Today is sweet Hailey’s birthday.

And, it’s one of those days when the story of my life took an unexpected turn. And what followed was a long season of heartache and brokenness.

She was born with a congenital heart condition that required a complicated surgery at 2 days old. She died two days after. When I tell you that I was completely and utterly wrecked, I’m not being dramatic. It’s like someone smashed my heart in a million pieces and scattered in on the ground in front of me.

There was so much grief, and honestly, I had no idea what to do with it. So for a while, I put on the best fake-it-til-you-make-it show I could. I showed up. I smiled. I served. Yet, I was barely holding it together. Pretending my heart wasn't broken. Pretending there wasn't an ache so deep that it sometimes hurt to move.

Friend, that doesn’t work.

See, somewhere along the way I got the wrong idea that when our faith is strong pain isn’t supposed to affect us so deeply. I had the wrong idea that faith somehow was supposed to make me impervious to pain. That healing would come if I just pretended long enough.

It took years, but now I know better.

We can’t heal when we pretend we’re not hurting. God can’t address what we refuse to be honest about. He doesn’t expect us to over-spiritualize our pain. He actually understands it, and invites us to bring it to Him.

When we do, joy comes. He heals. He redeems. He restores. He puts things back together. Nothing is beyond His reach. My life is proof.

God’s kindness and patience will never cease to amaze me. His perfect love nearly takes my breath away.

Truly, my soul finds rest in God. My salvation comes from Him … (Psalm 62:1)

And friend, no matter where you find yourself today — He has not forgotten you. He is the God who sees.